perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
