We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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