# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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