No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I am one with the molecules
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
