girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
