it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
