4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
