gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
