12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
