Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
