OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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