just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
