I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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