You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
