Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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