i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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