i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
