Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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