Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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