woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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