I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
