I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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