Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
