just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
