is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
