My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
