As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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