I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
wanna go halves on a baby?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
