Pants 0. Shit 1.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
