Soap is not a condiment
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
