I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
