i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
