i love accidental penises.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
