The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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