Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
