you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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