I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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