it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
