So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
