Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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