Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
