my mouth tastes like poor choices
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
