I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
