I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we made out on top of his cat.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
