i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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