I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
