member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
