i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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