I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
