drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
