I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
