Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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