I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
