Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
